Luckily Unlucky

I wouldn't say I'm unlucky, but I wouldn't say my luck has been great lately. Or I actually shouldn't talk about luck, b/c finding a job is a lot about determination. 

But I think I need a good kick in the pants. I've been feeling a little mopey and down with today being my last day with S, even as a contractor. 

What can I say about S? It's where I found my work passion, where I was given enough PTO to get my surgery, where I had the stability and predictability to be able to plan a wedding that was across the country, where I felt peace. It was hand's down one of the best time periods of my adult life.

So now what? How do I move forward? How do I keep growing, even in ways I may not know exist right now?

To be honest, now that I found my work passion, something I was trying to listen for, for a bit, I think I want to turn my attention to C and my role as a multigenerational family member. I hope C and I have enough energy to foster a child and maybe even adopt that child.

His G is a bit resistant to change. But that's to be expected. She likes living a low-key life, and she doesn't go out a lot. I don't mind, though it does feel somewhat strange to me. I'm trying to accept how other people live right now and have a good relationship, despite differences.

And you know what? I don't even miss living in the Bay. I don't miss it at all. I think I reached a pinnacle - good career, good friends, good housing, good food - but it wasn't what was right in my heart. I think deep down, I missed him, I missed my C. I was so so lonely, especially the last few years in the Bay.

So I am grateful for C and his G. I'm grateful that I live with them and that they keep my company so to speak. I'm grateful for a house that has central air!

Perhaps I should focus on, not only the job search, but discovering new parts of myself and newness in my surroundings. Perhaps I should listen for my inner spirit, and one that says, "Hey, I like this! I like this a lot."

I'm ready to bring in the new.