Day 9 - Another Christmas Miracle

It's a good day once more! I tried the generic from MP and it feels like the brand! A little different - feels like I'm not really on any meds so let's see if it lasts until 8:30 pm.

But this gives me so much hope: it's cheaper, possibly even easier to keep getting consistently, and it's more kosher than buying from online pharmacies.

I do have to try it for a week to see the full effects, of course, but I feel so happy and hopeful today. 

Though the start of medical team is somewhat different than from CA (G is controlled, L is not covered), there are still other options my care team is thinking of and they just want to keep their patient stable - which is true of any doctor that I've met - from NYC, to Michigan, to the Bay Area, and now with TN. I feel lucky and blessed.

One does need to take one's health in their own hands and work in partnership - I'm a firm believer that you are your best advocate. Of course there are times where one is so unstable, that they have no clue where to begin. I was once there too. But I've come so far and learned a great deal and I'm no longer starting from zero, which I also explained to my mom and reassured her. She was so worried for me when I told her the troubles I was having. She jumped to conclusions and said, "Move back to CA". But that is a cop out: I can't let S.A.D run they way I live my life - I have to be in control of my fate and destiny, not the other way around.

But I know mental illness is so hard for so many. I think it's like 1 in 4 has a mental illness. I feel like I want to be somewhat of an advocate for others who are searching for normalcy, or to feel better. I feel like I was once there, searching for the best outcome. Going through it felt like I was the only one who knew what it was like, but upon retrospect there are so many out there that just need a sounding board to help them through.

Hence that's why I felt for P and P. And now M. They all have some sort of mental illness they are going through and aren't exactly fully stable. P is the most stable, but she has bouts of negativity. 

I feel for them, but I realize I do not have the proper training to be their only source of support. But I can be a better friend, and not lose patience, and not feel triggered. I can be strong. I will do as much as a I can, but not over do it b/c that doesn't help anyone. I can be a better support to them.