It's been a few days since MK's departure and I've been feeling rather down in the dumps. I finally have time to relax and get my head back on straight, but I can't help but go into this reflective mode with the whole, "What the hell happened?"-twist. CMON. The whole live TV isn't helping my sense of reality. It's a bit brain numbing. One voice is shouting and telling myself to get with it. But another side feels that it's so much easier to transport into another place when there is no one holding me accountable. For instance, just yesterday I was walking down the street after a brisk jog, and the next I was back in Michigan counting down my lazy days until my move to S-E-O-U-L! But thank goodness I'm not in the burbs of Detroit, lackadaisically watching the petals fall off the apple blossoms out of sheer boredom. As beautiful as it sounds, it's just not my way of life right now. Getting away from that feeling where everything was just like the day before, where nothing has a sharpness to it, is far removed from my life, and that's ok with me.
Alas, here I now sit in my apartment after finishing a lot of little things that will help me stay sane until I start up some language classes - I WILL be fluent one day, dammit! No more silent, frustrating shopping experiences due to my paucity of Korean vocabulary. Sure, I can get around and it isn't like my FIRST time in Korea, where I'm gawking at this and that all confused. My command of survival Korean is just that: I can survive. But I still feel like I'm being held back. Maybe I just want to bargain the right way?
Fortunately, my new computer is occupying my time. Yes! I bought the awesome MacBook Pro that is supposed to out perform its predecessors with its dual core processor, but of course still retaining its fabu-MAC-ness. Too bad the keyboard is SMALL and it's infuriating because I did go back to the Apple store and asked if it could be changed, and it can't?! What the?!?! It's just not ergonomically working for me. It starts with cramped fingers, then goes to sore forearms. And finally, my back is hunched over and just.. aching...no, I am NOT talking about performing some sexual act, I'm just talking about TYPING on the keyboard. It's depressing, really. Such a beautiful new baby, and yet I must take short breaks with it. At least all of my songs are now on it (I can't believe the way I did it - I should get a prize for my patience), and MK did leave me with her pictures, which were taken over the past year. That should be enough for me to play with and divert my attention away from my lack of MK. I have to keep myself from dragging my feet around, and meanwhile, she's back in blissful TO all moved in and back in her nice, HUGE apartment that has a falafel place within walking distance.
It's not like I'm trying to miss her all that much, anyway. I don't know for how long I told myself that she and I are in different phases of our live and that she is MUCH younger than I am. So by the time she left, I felt well prepared for her to exit from my life. Life goes on. I mean, I knew that I never had such a close friend, and it was a bit weird for me since the last clingy friendship I allowed myself to have was 5 years prior. xP By the time her last week rolled around, she wasn't really spending that much time with me. Luckily for her, her homeboy, D, flew in and she spent most of her remaining free time in Seoul with him. A bit of background on D: he's a really nice, cool gyopo from Canada who grew up in the same town as she did. He's even pretty retro/ska-ish with his red hair, converse-ish-but-not shoes, and pants from a vintage store. He seems like the perfect MK's first-boyfriend-to-be candidate.
I was delighted to meet such a great guy.
From the beginning of our friendship, we had something hanging over our heads, whether it was knowing the impermanenence of our time together, besides the invisible visitors. First, it's interesting to think how I thought while we were together. As I experienced each day as a new day, especially with all of the changes happening about me, I kept thinking about my close friendships from the past. As I saw her in front of me, I saw everyone else within her. Was I supposed to? Did she want me to see her that way?
At the same time, I knew she was just as excited to be living in each new day as I was.
No comments:
Post a Comment