Enigmas

As much as I feel tuckering out after explaining myself over and over, there is still apart of me that will always remember why the explanations are worth everything to me rather than not trying at all. It's like you're left with a silent gap that never seems to be filled no matter what you do to make it go away. It's been this pull at my heart, a painful one, that makes all the pulls tangle up, leaving me to sit there in shock and confusion. And it's been there for a while, whether it was confusion from an opaque relationship, from trying to figure out an over-stressed father, or trying to understand a brother living in a twilight zone. Many times there are so many things happening in the present that I'm totally clueless as to where the confusion stems from. And thank goodness I'm older and hopefully wiser where I have some well of knowledge that helps me to start somewhere. But when I was younger, it left its crippling force and glazed my life with a darkness that I'm still trying to figure out. And to make it even more difficult, there are different types of cultural enigmas. oiy.

Why is it so difficult to understand some individuals? Do they not want to be understood, and do they want to just keep confusing others? What's the point? Maybe to some people, it's fun living a life within a huge puzzle, a neverending maze that just never stops. It's a persistent game of roadblocking, one after another after another, until someone is left completely withdrawn and dejected.

I've seen a woman left in this perpetual state of entrapment. She never complained about it, and was thankful to be with someone ambitious and driven. But I used to wonder why she never told me about her previous life... I asked once or twice, and she told me it was because she started a new life, therefore implying that everything from her previous life must be forgotten. I always sort just accepted this outlook, and even semi-internalized it.