Caught..

Reaching for understanding.
How do I untangle myself?

I'm reminded of what is happening on the other side of what I feel, and to be honest, I don't really care...anymore. There is only so much I can do before it all becomes so exaggerated and I make myself look like the good guy and the other girl is the odd man out. I think I've gone silent for a good 7 months and just let the cards play themselves out. In the meantime, thinking all that I thought I wanted to think about this subject of holding grudges and not holding grudges with a person. It's no longer about remaining diplomatic or NOT forming a grudge for the sake of not forming one. One someone keeps reminding you of the reprecussions of your actions, and how you were the one really hurting the OTHER person, you don't really want to hear it, no matter who it's coming from.

I don't understand why someone would keep mentioning the other side of something without offering one's own opinion on the whole matter. Perhaps I didn't ask enough questions?

No. She talked for pretty much the whole time we had dinner together.
Perhaps she was just talking in order to fill the time?

A fleeting thought, besides wondering who the person behind the chiper smile is. A completely adorable woman and very accomplished, yet approachable.

But behind all of her accomplishments, I tried to understand who she is and I see a lot of energy and her stamina, but I listen to what happened to the weird girl who supposedly one-sidedly caused all the drama. But I see that she seemed to care more about that one girl than for any one else. And perhaps she's allowing that one detail to resonate within me. That was another remark that was mentioned in a class of mine.

Is it being used against her? It really shouldn't. I think I'm an odd case and a terrible person to try to 'match' because I'll fight someone tooth and nail for the true reason as to why he/she would want to spend time with me over anyone else. Especially since there are so many people to choose from.

I listen intently for the sake of listening to how someone does something, especially since that's what English teachers do and that's what we're trained to scrutinize...

But as I walk away from it all, that's when my true self sets in later and I wonder to myself, "Why?"

What do you really care about..
The ostracized girl who caused trouble?
Or the fact that it isn't about the drama of it, but perhaps between the two people it's between.