Art enlightens the mind and uplifts the soul..

to stay or not to stay?

I just got in from looking at a few places around the Hongdae area as I have been living near Hongdae's backgate for the past year and I've grown a certain attachment for my place. T.T I'm going to miss my apartment! A whole lot.. If I do move, will I regret it? If I let go of this place, will I miss it more than my current place? I sat there going through the pro's and con's of To Move, Or Not to Move. I went to a couple of BooDong Sahns, and looked at a few places around my current location, and some places around the Frontgate area, too. There was an adorable loft, but it's smaller than my current place. Growing up in a spacious house that sat on 2 acres, well, you get to be a little "Space Spoiled," in more ways than one. While asking myself these questions at Starbucks, I then put everything aside and tried to swipe my own slate clean and take a clear look around me: at the Ginko leaves outside the 2nd floor window, at the steep road that goes up to MK's old apartment - the familiarity was resurfacing. It's just that things were being mixed around in my head WAY too much, where my books were becoming people and the sentences reflected convoluted lies and my grasp of reality and imagination were slipping out of my control. My only comfort was my ipod - no candy in sight. Arg.

Mentally exhausted and fed up, I put my head down and let the music blast into my ears. At least I can still hear, even if I can't think straight. And what's the use in thinking straight anymore? I appreciate it, but who does in this life I'm leading? I fought my way to find this state of mind, this straightness in my life that came out of daily journaling and practicing with Professors. I took tons of different classes that sounded interested and I asked my friends about the popular classes since those will definitely have the best professors, or maybe the ones who grade easily. Just kidding. That stuff ends after sophomore year, the weeding out, or so I thought. But I'm not in school anymore, supposedly, and nor do I want to be. I went through a crazy life, livin la vida loca, and it's all behind me, and I'll be hitting my two year mark this upcoming fall.

Am I a cold person to want this distance in my life? This room to suck in my breathes and hold them in for as long as I can, filling my chest completely, only to release and let it all go..