C texted me and told me that his dad died peacefully today at the hospital. I was immediately sad for him and texted my family and friends, who all gave their deepest condolences. It felt good to have their sympathies and I passed it along to C. But then his sister called and he had to jump off the phone with me. It's a time to be with immediate family.
I've been through this, too, when I lost my dad to liver cancer in November 2009. When I got the call from my family, my heart shattered. I felt pain, emotionally and physically. I impulsively posted on Facebook that my dad had just died. And I cried heavy sobs at my desk. I was in grad school at that time, in my first semester. Then my friend M called but I didn't pick up. I felt too broken to speak.
Then I flew out to Michigan the next day. The days following included my father's funeral and his cremation. It all felt so surreal and I think I felt a bit removed from it all. Must have been a protective mechanism for me while I grieved. There was a part of me that felt he would survive, that he would beat the cancer. But, alas, it overcame him. He was so gentle in the last few years of his life. Asking my mom for forgiveness for all the wrong he did to her. He felt so sorry. I loved my father deeply. But I also felt peace that he is no longer in pain, both physically and emotionally. This is the deepest I've ever gone with talking about my feelings about my father's death. I never talked about it. I never verbalized it. I just told people in passing that my father passed away years ago. But never fully processed it or remembered what happened. I'm not sure why I did that.
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