I ate three large meals today and I feel incredibly full--full of happiness. I love to eat, and eat to live. I think this love has grown over time and now have the best relationship to food I have ever had, well, except for the years of 2015 to 2017. I loved to eat then, but ate without having any awareness of myself.
Awareness
I'm much more aware of my surroundings, reading people, and assessing situations around me. It's almost too much awareness. At first it was giving me anxiety, to think all of these extra thoughts, but now it's grounding me--helping me to feel like I'm apart of the environment and community around me, rather than being thrust into it.
2015-2018
During this time, these were the early years of living with the boyfriend. I cooked a lot, he cooked a lot, and we went out to get burgers at Sparky's and ate sushi on the weekends. Then he started to travel for work, and I was home alone a lot. Plus, I was in a transition period with my medications and had a slow unravel. By the time it was 2018, I weighed 165. I was puffy and overweight. My family didn't like it, Chris didn't like it and I didn't know how it got to that point. I think I was eating junk food late at night, as well as eating out for lunch a lot of the times and not being conscious of what I put in my body.
Currently
Now I'm conscious of eating healthy and I love eating healthy and the way it makes me feel. I need to create a better balance between eating healthy, and being more flexible with what I eat. I've gone on so many ends of the spectrum of diet and exercise and I'm looking for a happy medium. Someplace in the middle where I can feel comfortable, yet fit.
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