"For the record.."

What did I do? Honestly? Every time I start thinking about how I really feel about what's going in my life, I feel so fucking afraid that something is waiting to trip me up somewhere, and why should I feel this way? Did I ask for this? Did I ask to be put through another cycle of petty, jealous behavior? The sad thing is that I've been through this before, but now instead of retorting back every single chance I get to just hear my own voice, I just ran and got the heck out of there. I ran, and ran, and I kept running. It cost me my peace of mind, it cost me my grades, and it cost me a comfort zone that I could NOT find until I got to Korea. and FINALLY, now that I feel COMFORTABLE, it's being testing once again. What do I have to say to that? FUCK that. I'm not going to lay down and take it this time, I'm not going to just cry myself to sleep, and it's not just about fucking laundry. Sorry to those of you with the good intentions, I didn't mean to hurt anyone with my tone of voice from a depressed past.

Just to set things in my life STRAIGHT and NOT make things even more difficult than they already are, it means cutting out the BS, the jerks who are jerks even when you have every reason to be mad but they STILL act like jerks, the spreading lies, and the poor public opinion that will change the way ppl will treat you, which could really put you in a bad mood if you're used to a cushy seat. So I divulged some emails that I wrote during some painful moments at summer school. I don't know why I'm making them public, probably for the sole reason that people read my gmail anyway. SO, with that, there isn't much control that I have over my own privacy. I think THAT is why I did it. Suck it.