Feeling Good Over 40

The personal trainer that I worked with in January, when I told her my age, she was like, "You look good for your age!" that comment made me feel good but also really old. How in the heck am I turning 43 next month? Holy moly! How has time flown by.

Time flies when you're having fun, I guess? 

It's been a wild ride these past 15 years in the Bay. I'm so grateful for every moment of it, even the couple years I struggled. But so many good things happened while I lived here:

-Came of age has a creative writer. Came here as a novice creative writer, but then blossomed into a seasoned, experienced storyteller. And I was able to feel "apart of something" during grad school. It was my second time during an educational experience where I felt like I belonged. The first time was in high school when I was apart of the "best friends club" for like a year. This time, in SF, I was able to let go and hang out with my cohort, but also do serious studying at the same time. I have my medicine to thank for that. Although I was still struggling a bit to understand my situation, grad school saved me: it was a time when my father passed away, I didn't feel like I was understood by my family, and I made friends who had common interests as me: the first time in my life. It was so fun to analyze literature and creative writing, to talk about art, to dive deep into a piece of text, and to come out if alive, refreshed and rejuvenated. I loved every moment at CCA. I am so happy I decided to go.

Then my years in Oakland were beautiful in different ways. I started my working career as an afterschool teacher and personal assistant. I loved working with kids but the pay was peanuts. I continued to find my way in education and worked up to being a TA at  community college, but there was so much red tape. I met M and worked as her assistant for over 6 years. And even to this day I work for her time to time. She is one of the greatest friendships I have ever formed. She is a mentor, a friend, a second mother, and a healer. I respect her so much.

C moved out here and did a stint in Oakland. He and I had date nights, we made love, we kissed, we hugged, we argued, we felt distant, but then we fell in love again in different ways, as friends, as lovers. C is my hero. He saved me at the hospital that one time. Love truly heals. I worked at my first corporate role when he first arrived here. He told me that that's where more money would be and he was absolutely right. He is always right, come to think of it. I moved around in different roles, and landing in Communications, which led to Field Communications, and then finally to Field Marketing, my passion.

I hung out and got close to my first best friend since elementary school, A. We hung out, laughed together, commiserated, and survived together. She was a sister to me. A spunky younger sister, and yet an older sister to me at the same time. I once wondered if it was worth it, getting so close, since it also led me to move farther away from the group from CCA, but it was the right choice. She is a true friend through thick and thin. I hope I can see her after I move out to M.

While living in Oakland, I dove into the lit scene. First it was readings with J, where I met A, but also where I became a bit disillusioned by the Bay Area lit scene. But I recovered and learned to know which readings were right for me. But I also went to events that A hosted and fell in love, in a quiet subtle way with the Bay Area lit scene all over again. It's so dynamic, so rife with beauty, diversity and talent. 

Now I live in San Leandro. I lead a quiet, peaceful life. I'm older, a bit wiser, and want more simplicity. I'm writing a lot, I'm exercising a lot, and I'm trying to save money in order to build a better future for myself. I love the Bay and it healed me so much. I hope in my next adventure, I become strong, resilient, and powerful. But also have a quiet strength, and give my wisdom to my future adopted daughter.