Last night was somewhat epic: I stayed out until 1:30 am. I got home, and I was still buzzing with energy. What A said last night about just having fun until the wee hours of the morning, shouldn't be looked down upon: people shouldn't judge you just b/c you drink, smoke, and like to have fun. And I couldn't agree more! I used to go to raves, night clubs, and drink a bottle of wine by myself so I definitely know what it's like to let loose. Boy, do I ever know that so well.
And as R and B fully agreed with what she had to say, a part of me, though my 30 year old self would have agreed, my 42 year old current self didn't fully agree. I mean, I don't judge people for having fun, but I myself am kind of "over it." Now that I have friends who have settled down and have young children, I find more joy being around them, their family, and seeing their kid grow up.
This isn't exactly a new joy, as I enjoyed the energy of children when I was an afterschool teacher and tutor, but it's a growing new feeling I've had since entering my 40s, the feeling that I so desperately want to take care of my own kid, along with C, of course.
It almost feels selfish to think of C and I being "kid-less" and it makes more sense to me, as time goes on, that C and I become parents. I want this with all my heart. I know it will be tough raising a child, especially one from the foster care system, but I think it will be so worth it.
I have to start researching fost-adopt agencies in Memphis. I think this will build clarity in our journey.
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