When I was growing up, my father was already a successful doctor by that point. So I lived in a mansion, did an expensive sport, and worth the trendiest clothes. I grew up with plenty. I never knew what it was to be poor. Until I lived on my own in California.
Then when I started my career after graduating from an MFA in Creative Writing program, I despised money and the evils it made people turn into. I thought it was dirty and for the greedy. So I never really cared that I wasn't "rich". I was enjoying my life, going to poetry events, meeting writers, and living the boho life of an anti-capitalist. I mean, all my friends were anti-capitalism, as writers tend to be poor and love the life regardless.
However, now that I'm thinking about providing for a family, especially being the bread-winner, I wish I had more it, money that is. I think about all the things I want to give my future kid. Cool clothes, enriching afterschool activities, private school tuition, and more. I want them to have the best life possible, but perhaps I'm projecting b/c I grew up with so much. Maybe I think that's the only way?
I find myself thinking about how to move up the ladder, how to keep making more money each year, but I've already made incredible leaps and bounds in the past eight years. I've come a long way, so I should think positively with some logic, that based upon my trajectory, I am in line to making more and more, hopefully. I feel so eager right now, eager to make more, to save more, to be more fit, to be more healthy, to get ready to best version of myself for my future kid.
But maybe I need to chill a little bit and just enjoy things right now. I mean, I'll still start saving, and being conscious of how I spend, but there is a lot to celebrate, too. So I shouldn't lose sight of that.
I think I'm in a particularly good mood b/c I had such a good time hanging out with a new friend. She is super cool. I'm worried I might not be cool enough! I hope I can hang out with her again soon.
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