In the Thick of It

Holidays at S have somewhat begun! I don't want to talk about work right now, though, I just want to relax and have some fun. But it's hard to separate it when I just added to A's in FB. Sigh. But it will be good to keep up with what they are saying, even after S.

I'm a Nerd

I just started watching Ugly Betty and I can say that I definitely relate! I was not traditionally beautiful as a kid - I was scrawny, super thin, and somewhat of a runt. But! Figure skating gave me a chance to work on my elegance and I did have lovely way of carrying myself, despite being a nerd and being super thin. I was just a girl then.

Then in college, I was "retired" from figure skating and SO excited about being scholarly. So much so to the detriment of my social life. But I was having SO much fun learning. I didn't care if I was alone all day - I was happy to be immersed in my studies, dreaming of becoming a passionate doctor.

But then I traveled to Seoul during the summer of my freshman year. I met other gypos from around the world. They were cool and had fun! I dove into my new found friendships, partied, drank, went clubbing, and got into so much mischief. It was probably one of the best summers of my life. It was also before I had any symptoms. I was just on the shy side. I was shy for so long! I think bottling up my thoughts and feelings made it uncomfortable for me, or rather, unfamiliar for me to express my emotions. 

Growing up, my parents never talked about their emotions. It was mostly action, then results that mattered. The act of studying to produce straight A's, the act of practicing figure skating to potentially win medals. The act of not complaining to have a successful life. I grew up acting on things first, then understanding them later.

I wonder how I'll raise my future child? I hope to help them process their emotions in healthy way, but I also want them to have integrity and trustworthy-ness. A person of action is still a person with a good reputation.

So I wonder about this.

I eventually came out of my shell, but it was probably just after I met C.