The Jabberjay

I'm reading the Hunger Games books and out of all the painful moments that the tributes in the arena face, the one the hurt me the post was the event when they were haunted by the sounds of the jabberjays strategically singing the horrible screams of their loved ones.

It was described as a pain they could never fully heal from. It's true, to the book, because after the games are over, the evil Capitol is able, that is if you don't die first, to completely rehabilitate and renovate your battle wounds from the arena. You are seemingly "brand new" in a matter of days.

But what stays with you the most are the mental scars.

The victors suffer nightly from horrible memories that haunt them in their dreams, often distorted and often manipulated into ultra horrifying moments, or even highlighting the most traumatic moments that the tributes faced in the arena.

At least when they are outside of the games, they are left to heal and be "victors" in the Victors Village. A great reward, but it does come at a price--the price to concede to the ways of the Capitol.

I really am enjoying these books. I relate a lot to the compassion the characters feel for the other humans in the other districts. Those they know that are suffering just as much, though maybe in different ways, then they are.

They also have a very human bitterness for those spoiled in the lavish lifestyles of the Capitol. Hiding their disgust and detest for the hierarchy that has fallen into place without their choice. Forced upon them in gross displays of excess on television as a form of propaganda.

I know it's only a book, a made up story, but it speaks to me and my current situation. My silent suffering and my mental scars. The noise that often feels so shockingly disturbing, I have to shake free from its effects. It started in moments like the Jabberjay. These quiet corners of your mind, so private and so serenely fitted in memory that once exposed and disbursed, it feels violating, exploiting, and shocking. It was meant to feel that way, though, I now realize.

I don't know if I've every really healed from those experiences, or how long that will take. Sound torture is actually gaining popularity in the USA and was recently used on middle eastern prisoners in detention camps in the US by the CIA.

It's strange how something so non-violent can have such lasting effects. The weird emotional spasms that run through your mind, the horror, shock, and the lack or privacy it invades.

I've definitely tried to get over it in many ways. Focusing on silence, focusing on what things sound like to others and within a specific viewpoint. I've also focused on really good sounds, healing sounds, and even beautiful sounds. During a time when my own voice was damaging, I tried, even panicked, for a way to remedy the effects, knowing how powerful and damaging they could be.

But for sound to be used and purposely inflicted as pain, is a new, disturbing, and misunderstood method.