New Car License Plate

Today I got my license plate changed from CA to TN. Does that make me an official Bartlett-er? I dunno, but it is one step closer to saying this is where I live. 

It feels strange and somewhat comforting knowing that I may live here the rest of my life. Back in CA, I never really had a long-term view of anything, even though I was out there for 16 years. But with C and I living together for 5 years, then him moving back to B during the pandemic, I always just went with the flow, lived in the present, and didn't really question our life path together.

But now, I'm very much enmeshed in a joint life, going to bed each night with my new husband, but old relationship. Old sounds kind of negative, but it's not; it feels more familiar and comfortable. We've been together since I was 28 years old, still a baby and figuring out my life.

I'm so glad my passion for writing took me out to the chilly Bay Area, mild, and soft, and quirky. I'm so grateful I made friends in the Bay Area literary community and forged my identity as a writer and really felt that identity deeply. I found myself out there and found peace and found contentedness. But as the years wore on, and C and I were long distance, I gnawing feeling that something was missing kept tugging at my heart: I missed C so much.

I'm so happy that I see him everyday and see his progress and growth as a husband, son, and kitty dad. We have a sing song way about our banter, we talk about our kitty that we are raising together, and C teases him mom and I giggle in response. Life has settled since the wedding; we are both working and now exercising together. Our lives are simple, yet meaningful. We don't really fight, though we went through that in Oakland many years ago, but we've learned from that, when to fight and when to let it go. We are falling more deeply in love with one another, in friendship, companionship, as lovers.

And now I find myself toying with the idea of putting my planning brain into planning long-term. It feels scary and unfamiliar, and almost like something bad will happen. But maybe I just do that, just play with the idea.