3 Weeks In

It's been about 3 weeks since I landed here. It feels strange and safe and familiar yet surprising all at the same time.

I drive around to the same places because that's all I can handle. But I'll be branching out today as I drive to a hot yoga studio. I'm so excited that M has all of these different choices - barre, pillates, hot yoga. I was nervous that nothing of that sort would be found, but I am mistaken.

Also, the past couple of nights C and I have been watching Netflix together. We've been watching Better Call Saul. It's funny, smart, and dramatic all in one. C also said, "Every night feels like date night with you," my heart melted at that time. I need to work on my replies that give him reassurance and comfort.

We've also been doing hanky panky on the weekends, and it feels really bonding. When we lived in O together, my urges were primal. But now they are more out of love, I think.

My anxiety has lessened and I think it's b/c I'm around more people - and a cute, affectionate kitty! - but I think when I lived in San Leandro, I was really lonely. It felt like there was a void in my heart. A space that only C could fill. But I didn't want to live in a way that was lacking, while living and growing in the Bay. I felt like I was making forward progress, that each year was better than the last. 

But now that I'm in a new place, that history of progress seems so distant and surreal. Did I really overcome those challenges? What about the new challenges I will face here? Will they be as difficult? Will I be able to keep my composure? I hope so.