I said good bye to my dear friend P yesterday. After a much strained relationship due to P needing a lot of support, as she would vent, ask for help on her problems, and never considered my needs, but she was also struggling for a long time with mental health and wouldn't admit it.
I think she's turned a corner and I kept in touch with one of her ex friends, R, but she never admitted to any faults or mistakes; it was always the other person not meeting her needs. I hope the universe shifts and changes for her so that she is on the road to a happy and stable life. Though I was sad, I was also relieved. I can't be someone's only friend if they don't help themselves.
Onto P now. She has best friend material, but I'm leaving in a year. So I think she is reluctant to get closer to me. It will hurt her too much I think. Just like when A left the Bay, my bestie for so long. It hurt me, I felt abandoned but I think I was really happy for her, too. So happy for her to move on in life, onto a bigger, better chapter. I mean, cmon! She's a momma now. I'm so so happy for her.
I'm lucky to have experienced these friendships. It all would have changed anyway with me moving to Memphis. So it's almost as if God is giving me a blank slate to work with, to start over, to do better, to be born again. I'm no longer nervous about going to Memphis. I'm excited and I can't wait to be with C every day again. Our reunion.
It's kind of a small house, but I'm used to tight living quarters after living in apartments in the Bay. The only thing I really worry about is my health insurance and my ability to be the bread-winner. C took too much time away from his career to really get it back on track.
Once I get to Memphis, we'll figure out how to make more money. That will be my goal, as well as becoming foster parents. I think C will enjoy the help.
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