Summertime Woes..

It's been *almost* a year since my return to the States and a year since I saw some of my friends from Seoul. I missed life out in Seoul, South Korea SO much and I still miss it, at times. But those hunger pains for Seoul are happening a lot less frequently, and are a lot less intense. It got SO bad that I even started to miss the old ahjummas who used to clean the subways and the streets of Hongdae at like 7am. There is so much more that I miss...

But, now my life is here, in Michigan. And it is so very different. I now drive everywhere rather than take a convenient subway ride everywhere. But besides comparing my life now to my life then, I'm more interested in where I belong, now.

My mind was stretched and pulled during my last year in Seoul as I ran around with famous authors who visited Seoul and experienced life out in Hongdae as I did - visiting the multitude of fashion vendors whose trends came and went as quickly as the different sushi dishes at the new restaurants. It was so very VERY to experience the rapid turnover rate of Seoul's businesses. And when applied to fashion and food, it is all a very galvanizing existence. It was also very inspiring to be surrounded by pop Korean culture as I feel that I'm as poppy as Britney Spears! If that isn't POP culture at its forte, then I don't know what is!

However, now I'm left with the question, "Where do I belong?" Most of my friends from college are leading bustling lives out in either New York City or San Francisco, two cities I playfully considered moving to, but unfortunately failed after a 2.5 stint out in New York City. Long story. So, here I am, here I am.

I am keeping myself busy and I have been diving into such things as internet meeting groups, and online dating services like "Meet Up" and "Match.com", respectively. The sites have helped me to open up to strangers and helped me acquire brave and daring techniques that I've applied to meeting new people, which happened inescapably. It's all so very VERY.

Now, I'm finding myself getting quite attached to one person, in particular. Yet, I also find that I do not have a stable group of girlfriends to talk to in such a time. I'm desperately Seeking Susan, seeking Susan! I wish I was closer to my girlfriends and I wish I was able to confide in them in an instant. One would think that that would be possible with today's technology, but the reality of living in a different state from all of my old friends is a fact that is difficult to overcome. Though, there are some old high school friends that I have begun bonding with, and our reconnection after parting ways 10 years ago is quite exciting and interesting, I'm still feeling the growing pains of a relationship that has just begun, again. It's like we're starting over, and from the very beginning. Though, there are nostalgic moments that we can share, and there are commonalities that we can cling to, like the fact that we've grew up in the same small town, there is still a lot of "catching up" to do.

And, so, I must ask, "Where do I belong?" Especially for someone who experienced life as a visiting student at an art school in Seoul, which was QUITE the experience: taking art classes in a language that I'm not fluent in and relying on the body language to guide me through my painting adventures. I learned a lot by merely being surrounded by all of the talented artists that i had the pleasure of painting with, but I still missed a lot in terms of listening to lectures and hearing critical lessons from incredibly amazing professors.

Then, there was my 6-month stint as a "creative writer". Yes, I attempted, and the operative word is attempt, to write creative stories for my first time. It was a completely life-changing experience, actually. As I gave myself all the time in the world to just read, write, and expand my mind into the world's fictional mind space. I felt my mind lengthen and expand, as my paragraphs began to develop into lengthier ideas and with more mood and tone applied to them. It was something that I'll never forget, and yet I felt like somewhat of a prisoner during that time, too. It was all so very experimental and different, that I'm now feeling like an oddity at a world's fair, but now in my own backyard.

"What do I belong?" and "who do I belong with?"
Is it with this guy who has been "online" courting for the past 2 months now? Honestly, though, it is an incredible feeling to feel connected to this one person, especially after feeling so disconnected to everyone else in my life. This one person has single-handedly recovering my spirit and hope in humanity! I felt so down and disappointed after returning to the States to friendships who were more than just a bit indifferent at my dropping off of the face of the planet by living in South Korea for two years. Their lives went on without me, and smoothly. Was it better that I was no longer apart of their lives? It deeply scathed my soul as I pondered that question. But, then, here was a guy who was reaching out for me, and reaching with a wicked sense of humor and terrific sense of style. You could say that he could be hounded with his track record of dating one Asian girl after the next, but it has only fueled a desire within him to nurture an interest in Asian cultures. His tastes and sensitivities are of the Pan-Asian persuasion -- my favorite. It's so difficult for me to find another person who enjoys Pan-Asian culture, as I do, especially after being in an Asian-interest sorority and after trekking around to different Asian cities, like Tokyo, Shanghai, and Beijing, during my time as an English teacher out in Seoul. It's refreshing to hear his ideas and opinions on Asian girls, as I definitely have my own!

But I worry, as women always do. I worry that perhaps my skeletons in the closet will scare him away, and that Mr. Perfect will not seem so perfect, anymore. But, at this point, it doesn't seem like there are many pitfalls or bumps in the road for this one. Let's keep our fingers crossed!

Well, for now, it's still time for me to resolve the question, "Where do I belong?" -- but that may take awhile.