cold feet

in less than 30 days i'm supposed to fly out of this country and start a new path in my life~
sounds a bit hyped up, huh? yea kinda. and i mean, it's not really THAT big of a deal~ like what about all of the kids i DO know who went to korea and taught english for a year~ my cousin did it before med school..and my sister's husband did it before law school? and hundreds and hundreds of people are doing at this very moment.
why do i feel like i need this sudden justification for my actions? ok, let's sort this out~
1. i'm going to be taking classes and working. that's going to be tough. but then~ this is the time to do it~ single, haven't had a serious boyfriend in a couple of years or more.. *gasp*, need to start some sort of financial base, intellectual center for myself (after a few rough turns in college, guess this is a good chance to make something happen)
2. i'm 24 years old and i haven't moved out of this state yet! holy COW can we say...
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING??
ON THE OTHER side of the age thing~ holy cow, i'm 24, i don't have my career started, i'm not in a serious relationship, and i can't keep 'bouncing around' with 'options'... i'm starting to run into kids from high school who have WEDDING BANDS on their fingers O_o

first of all, what options? what bouncing around? after 4 1/2 years of college, guess i realized, why not hone in on things that I really like? something my way. is that so bad?

it's already been 5 months since i graduated from college~ what is a girl like me to do?
i can either get a job or do more school
the next question is...where?
KOREA
yes, i'm getting worried though. where will i run to when i need to talk to someone? where will i go when i just... had enough of it all... where is that
home
yes, this is the time to make something happen~ but i do want to be in one place and start building towards something. sure, i realized what it felt like to feel passionate again...to remove calloused layers..and then start to feel some sort of salvation, an outlet, an escape...but i do want to feel at least some sort of security =( the feeling that yes, this is the right thing to do in my life~ this makes sense, and this is going to take me to that next step [hold on here, what happened to just living your life? guess that happens when we have the opportunity to do so~ those moments when you can just GO FOR IT with everything you got... like IS THAT KEANU REEVES ACROSS THE CAFE? Holy cow, GO MAKE OUT WITH HIM!! yea right xP]

ok, i've been thinking about this/PLANNING since September. It's obviously time to just GO! =]
I was getting all antsy with waiting around to hear answers, but now I'm starting to feel hesitant out about going (back to cold feet)

Driving is a great stress reliever and I'm going to miss it~ And especially these days, with the countdown under 30 days, I keep thinking about A LOT of things that I'll miss...
ie:
"oh my goodness, i'm going to miss speeding in my car and going 80+ on the highway and having road ragers cuss me out for being the stereotypical asian girl who can't drive" [i'm really trying to be a decent driver, pinky swear]

but then, do i really need a car when i'll be around awesome subway systems....
hmmmmmmmmmmmm

"omigosh, i'm going to miss having my mom and dad around~ my parents have calmed down a lot and it feels nice~ not having to cook, do laundry by myself, worry about vacuuming... wait a min, i should do more housework"
hmmmmmmm
or what about...catching episodes of darma and greg, or sleeping in... or...
"oh man, i'm going to miss this tim hortons/dunkin dounuts coffee and blueberry bagel on my way to ________"

hmm....

what am i trying to say? i'm rambling
things are not set =(
but it's time to just goooooooo